Death, to Judaism, means the separation of the body from the soul. The washing of the corpse (traditionally clothed in a plain shroud), the lying out, and the burial are undertaken by the burial society (Chevra Kadisha) or a Jewish funeral home. The relatives of the deceased are excused from all religious duties until the burial that usually occurs on the day after the death except on a Sabbath or any Jewish holiday. Cremation is permitted only in Reform Judaism. The cemetery in Hebrew is called the "House of Eternity" and the "House of Life", where the dead are to have eternal rest.
On the first anniversary of the death (Yahrzeit), the gravestone is placed in the cemetery. At each anniversary of the death, a Yizkor candle is lit in memory of the deceased (and a fast is observed by traditional Jews.)
Chevra Kavod Hamet
Traditionally, Kaddish is said from the day of burial, daily for the first eleven months, and on the anniversary of the death. If there is no one to say Kaddish for the deceased, then the Chevra Kadisha will provide this important service.
KADDISH TRANSLATION
May the great Name of God be exalted and sanctified, throughout the world, which he has created according to his will. May his Kingship be established in your lifetime and in your days, and in the lifetime of the entire household of Israel, swiftly and in the near future; and say, Amen.
May his great name be blessed, forever and ever.
Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled, honored elevated and lauded be the Name of the holy one, Blessed is he- above and beyond any blessings and hymns, Praises and consolations which are uttered in the word; and say Amen. May there be abundant peace from Heaven, and life, upon is and upon all Israel; and say, Amen.
May there be abundant peace from Heaven, and life, upon us and upon all Israel; and say Amen.
He who makes peace in his high holy places, may he bring peace upon us, and upon all Israel; and say Amen.
KADDISH TRANSLITERATION
Yit-gadal v'yit-kadash sh'mey raba, b'alma di v'ra hirutey, vyam-lih mal-hutey b'ha-yey-hon uv'yomey-hon uv'ha-yey d'hol beyt yisrael ba-agala u-vizman kariv, v'imru amen.
Y'hey sh'mey raba m'varah l'alam ul'almey alma-ya.
Yit-barah v'yish-tabah v'yit-pa-ar v'yit-romam v'yit-na-sey v'yit-hadar v'yit-aleh v'yit-halal sh'mey d'kud-sha, b'rih hu, leyla* min kol bir-hata v'shi-rata tush-b'hata v'ne-hemata da-amiran b'alma, v imru amen.
Y'hey sh'lama raba min sh'ma-ya, v'ha-yim aleynu v'al kol yisrael, vimru amen.
Oseh shalom bim-romav, hu ya-aseh shalom aleynu v'al kol yisrael, v'imru amen.
* On Shabbat Shuvah add: ul'eyla.
The following is reprinted with the permission granted December 2000
Our tradition divides bereavement into distinct phases. Each of the periods is to heal, or as Wolfson put it "to adjust to the finality of their loss." (Ron Wolfson, A Time to Mourn, A Time to Comfort) At the same time, our tradition guides the community in giving comfort to the bereaved, to let the mourners know they are not alone.
Phase One: Aninut is the period from death to the conclusion of the funeral. Arrangements are made, but no mourning takes place. The mourners are often numb with shock and disbelief. A beautiful custom of condolence traditionally takes place at the end of the funeral. At the end of the burial service, friends say: "Ha-Makom yenahem ethem b'tokh sha'ar aveilei Tzion v'Yerushalayim" "May the Omnipresent comfort you among all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem." You are not alone.
Phase Two: Aveilut begins at the conclusion of the funeral and continues through the seven days of shiva unless cancelled by a festival. This is a time when the mourner does not work, shop or leave home. Friends comfort the mourner by providing meals and by being there to listen, to talk and to pray.
Phase Three: Shloshim, thirty days from the day of burial. There is a partial return to normal life, e.g. to go to work but not to parties.
Phase Four: Shanah, eleven months. After the death of a parent, the mourners say Kaddish, the hymn of praise to God, for a year.
Phase Five: Yahrzeit, anniversary of the day of death.
Phase Six: Yizkor, memorial service on Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, last day of Passover, and the second day of Shavuot.
Helpful Suggestions When Visiting A Shiva Home
The most universally appreciated expression of sympathy is a hug and three words, "I'm so sorry."
Be open to different ways people respond to grief.
Those who don't cry can be just as devastated as those who can't stop crying.
Death is never for the best, even if the person was old or very ill.
Don't assume that, because there are other children, the pain of losing a child is any less.
Don't say, "I know how you feel." There is no knowing how a newly bereaved person feels.
Avoid statements like: "Don't worry, you'll get married again," or "You'll have another baby," or "It's God's will."
As we fulfill the mitzvah of comforting the mourner, ask to hear stories about the deceased.
The classic Jewish expression of condolence is "HaMakom yinachaim etchem batoch shar avlai Zion v'Yerushlayim," which means "May God comfort you together with all the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."
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